I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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