I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
