the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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