It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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