you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
