can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
