I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
