im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize