Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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