Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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