You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
