I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
