You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
