We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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