yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
