for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
