is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
