$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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