Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
