So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
