Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Every concussion has its silver lining
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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