Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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