Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
