I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
