Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
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i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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