Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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