Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
