new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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