If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
