Just fell off a train. Bad.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
