At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
