i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I want a musical about memes.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
