the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
