I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
