everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize