Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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