Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
