Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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