Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
