U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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