new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
