Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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