I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
