Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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