But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
