so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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