i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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