Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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