I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
