I think im going to throw up on grandma
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
