drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
