I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
