Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
