Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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