Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
