I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
