I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
