Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Randomize
