I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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