So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
