You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
