Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
