I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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