apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
