Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
